Parents of Trans and Gender Diverse Children

Background

In 2012, as part of a larger study of the experiences of transgender people in Australia, Clemence Due and I undertook a project focusing on the experiences of (cisgender) parents of gender variant or transgender children. More recently, I have undertaken research with Clare Bartholomaeus about transgender people and education. From this research we have written a book called Transgender People and Education (2017, Palgrave Macmillan), which includes a consideration of cisgender parents of transgender children. Together we have also developed a website called The Rainbow Owl, which collates sources for trans and gender diverse young people, parents and families, educators and schools, universities and students, researchers, and mental health professionals. I am also in the process of writing a new book called Working with Transgender Young People and their Families for researchers and clinicians, and Clare Bartholomaeus and I are currently conducting a study of cisgender parents of transgender and non-binary children focused on fertility preservation.

My interest in undertaking this research stems from my work as a psychotherapist. In my private practice I specialise in working with transgender young people and their families. I have written publications drawing on this clinical experience. I have also run a number of seminars and webinars for mental health professionals and educators in this area, including facilitating Caring for young people experiencing gender dysphoria, run by The Mental Health Professionals’ Network (MHPN) and Affirming approaches to working with transgender young people, run by the Australian Psychological Society.I have recently contributed to a new Australian Psychological Society information sheet for parents of trans and gender diverse children, available here.

A full list of my research publications on the topic of parenting trans and gender diverse children and young people can be found further down the page, and are drawn on in the applications of research findings sections below.

Applications of research findings for practitioners

My research findings suggested that cisgender parents of gender variant or transgender children are more supportive of their gender variant child when the child has received a formal diagnosis. The study also found that parents were more accepting of their child’s gender variance over time, although cisgender male parents were less likely to be accepting, including being more likely to be resistant to using a child’s affirmed pronouns. For professionals, this suggests that being able to provide a formal diagnosis can lead to better outcomes for families. Whilst others have argued that a medical or psychological model should be moved away from, in some cases this may be productive for families. Professionals also need to consider that some parents may find it more difficult to support a child who is gender variant, and to focus on strategies that encourage them to affirm their child.

The study also found varying levels of support from health care professionals. Positive responses from health care professionals were experienced as affirming, and support from professionals was highly valued by parents. This has clear implications for professionals, who should always be working from a place where they are both affirming and knowledgeable. These findings suggest that professionals need to update their knowledge about gender variance to provide adequate support for families.

This research also explored parents’ experiences of education contexts. Positive experiences with schools were mostly associated with schools and educators proactively developing and implementing inclusive policies and procedures, whereas negative experiences included always having to be vigilant, feeling shut out, and needing to educate the educator. These findings highlight the need for professionals to be proactive in their approaches, and not expect the burden of action to be placed on parents or to wait until something goes wrong to take action.

In addition, an analysis of parents’ experiences of interactions with school counsellors/psychologists found that parents often reported negative experiences. In particular, some counsellors/psychologists discounted the possibility of a child being transgender, suggested behaviour management techniques aimed at altering children’s gender expression, and shared personal knowledge about a transgender student with other staff members. Positive experiences with schools emphasised supportive approaches and providing appropriate referrals. Considering the potential key role that school counsellors/psychologists can play in supporting and advocating for trans and gender diverse young people, professionals need to increase their knowledge and ability to be affirming. The findings also show that professionals need to be knowledgeable about who they can refer families to for further support and information.

Whilst writing for and by parents of trans and gender diverse children often focuses on ideas of loss, the findings show that the loss experienced by parents is better explained by the loss of privileges accorded with having a cisgender child, rather than a trans or gender diverse child being a loss. This has important implications for professionals, who need to be aware of the many ways in which cisgender people are privileged in society, including within the education system.

Applications of research findings for parents and families

The research findings suggested that cisgender parents of gender variant or transgender children are more supportive of their gender variant child when the child had received a formal diagnosis. Whilst a formal diagnosis is not always necessary (and for some people may be experienced as pathologising), it may be useful for parents to seek out professionals to help them understand their child’s gender variance and to work out ways to be the most supportive and affirming. However, the findings also showed that parents experiences varying levels of support from health care professionals. This finding suggests that parents need to seek out professionals who are known to be affirming and supportive. One key source of information about this is from support groups and organisations run by affirming parents.

This research also explored parents’ experiences of education contexts. Positive experiences with schools were often associated with proactive approaches by educators and schools. In contrast, negative experiences were associated with a lack of initiative by educators and schools, being excluded, and parents needing to educate educators and schools about gender diversity. In addition, parents often reported a lack of support and knowledge from school counsellors/psychologists. These findings suggest that parents pay particular attention to the culture of schools and any existing policies or procedures to support transgender students, as well as the likelihood that the school counsellor/psychologist will be a support and advocate.

The findings also challenge the idea of trans and gender diverse children being a loss to parents. Instead, the loss experienced by some parents is better explained by the loss of privileges accorded with having a cisgender child, including not having a child’s gender called into question. If parents do experience feelings of loss, it is important for them to consider what these actually relate to, and to become more aware about how these relate to narrow gender norms and privileges more broadly.

Resources for practitioners

Australian

Australian Psychological Society. (2016). Information sheet: Australian Psychological Society recommends mental health practices that affirm transgender people’s experiences.

The Rainbow Owl

Telfer, M., Tollit, M., Pace, C., & Pang, K. (2017). Australian standards of care and treatment guidelines: For trans and gender diverse children and adolescents. Melbourne: The Royal Children’s Hospital.

International

American Psychological Association. (2015). Guidelines for psychological practice with transgender and gender nonconforming people. Washington: APA.

Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Issues in Counselling. (2010). Competencies for counselling transgender clients.

Brill, S., & Kenney, L. (2016). The transgender teen: A handbook for parents and professionals supporting transgender and non-binary teens. San Francisco: Cleis Press.

Brill, S., & Pepper, R. (2008). The transgender child: A handbook for families and professionals. San Francisco: Cleis Press.

Canadian Association of Social Workers. (2015). Joint statement on the affirmation of gender diverse children and youth.

Center of Excellence for Transgender Health. (2016). Guidelines for the primary and gender-affirming care of transgender and gender nonbinary people.

Ehrensaft, D. (2016). The gender creative child: Pathways for nurturing and supporting children who live outside gender boxes. New York: The Experiment.

Giordano, S. (2013). Children with Gender Identity Disorder: A clinical, ethical, and legal analysis. New York: Routledge.

GIRES. Caring for gender non-conforming young people online training modules.

Human Rights Campaign Foundation, American College of Osteopathic Pediatricians, & American Academy of Pediatrics. (2016). Supporting & caring for transgender children. Washington, DC.

Krieger, I. (2017). Counseling transgender and non-binary youth: The essential guide. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Lev, A. I. (2004). Transgender emergence: Therapeutic guidelines for working with gender-variant people and their families. Binghamton, NY: Haworth Clinical Practice Press.

Mallon, G. P. (Ed.). (2009). Social work practice with transgender and gender variant youth. New York: Routledge.

Meier, C., & Harris, J. (n.d.). Fact sheet: Gender diversity and transgender identity in children. Society for the Psychological Study of LGBT Issues and American Psychological Association.

Mizock, L., Mougianis, E., & Meier, C. (n.d.). Fact sheet: Gender diversity and transgender identity in adolescents. Society for the Psychological Study of LGBT Issues and American Psychological Association.

National Association of School Psychologists (NASP). (2014). Position statement: Safe schools for transgender and gender diverse students. Bethesda, MD.

Royal College of Nursing, & Public Health England. (2015). Preventing suicide among trans young people: A toolkit for nurses. London: Royal College of Nursing and Public Health England.

Singh, A. A., & Dickey, L. M. (Eds.). (2016). Affirmative counseling and psychological practice with transgender and gender nonconforming clients. American Psychological Association.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2015). Ending conversion therapy: Supporting and affirming LGBTQ youth. Rockville SAMHSA.

Tilsen, J. (2013). Therapeutic conversations with queer youth: Transcending homonormativity and constructing preferred identities. Jason Aronson, Incorporated.

Wells, K., & Tsutsumi, L.M. (2005). Creating safe, caring and inclusive schools for LGBTQ students: A guide for counsellors. Alberta, Canada: The Society for Safe and Caring Schools and Communities.

World Professional Association for Transgender Health. (2013). Standards of Care, version 7.

Resources for parents and families

Australian
Parents of trans and gender diverse children – government sources

Safe Schools (Victoria)

Safe Schools Anti-bullying Initiative (SA)

Parents of trans and gender diverse children – additional sources

Beyond Blue. (n.d.). Families like mine: A guide for parents and families of young people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, gender diverse or who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity.

Gender Help for Parents

Kelly, F. (n.d.). Navigating the stage 2 process: A legal toolkit for parents of transgender children. La Trobe University and Victoria Law Foundation.

Parents of Gender Diverse Children

PFLAG Australia

The Rainbow Owl

Transcend

Forums/online support

Gender Help for Parents – Online support

Trans Pulse Forums – Parents of transgender children support forum

International

Brill, S., & Kenney, L. (2016). The transgender teen: A handbook for parents and professionals supporting transgender and non-binary teens. Jersey City: Cleis Press.

Brill, S., & Pepper, R. (2008). The transgender child: A handbook for families and professionals. San Francisco: Cleis Press.

Central Toronto Youth Services. (2016). Families in TRANSition: A resource guide for families of transgender youth. Toronto, Ontario: Central Toronto Youth Services.

Ehrensaft, D. (2016). The gender creative child: Pathways for nurturing and supporting children who live outside gender boxes. New York: The Experiment.

Gender Creative Kids (Canada)

Gender Spectrum (US)

Gender Spectrum Education and Training. (n.d.). Top 10 parent questions and concerns regarding speaking about gender variations with children. Orinda, California: Gender Spectrum Education and Training.

Nealy, E. C. (2017). Transgender children and youth: Cultivating pride and joy with families in transition. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

Books with personal stories

Aizumi, M. with A. Aizumi (2012). Two spirits, one heart: A mother, her transgender son, and their journey to love and acceptance. Arcadia, California: Peony Press.

Barkin, J. (2017). He’s always been my son: A mother’s story about raising her transgender son. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Boenke, M. (Ed.). (2008). Trans forming families: Real stories about transgendered loved ones (3rd ed.). PFLAG Transgender Network.

Bogert, Y. (2016). How I met my son: A story of love that transcends gender. Victoria, Australia: Affirm Press.

Cook, T., & Cook, V. (2013). Allies & angels: A memoir of our family’s transition. Hallowed Birch Publishing.

Cryden, P. with Goldstein-Ball, J. E. (2017). Straight expectations: The story of a family in transition. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Duron, L. (2013). Raising my rainbow: Adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son. New York: Broadway Books.

Evans, C. B. (2016). I promised not to tell: Raising a transgender child. Ontario, Canada: Cheryl B. Evans.

Nutt, A. E. (2015). Becoming Nicole: The transformation of an American familyPenguin.

Pearlman, S. F. (2012). Mother talk: Conversations with mothers of lesbian daughters and ftm transgender children. Toronto, Ontario: Demeter Press.

Pepper, R. (Ed.). (2012). Transitions of the heart: Stories of love, struggle and acceptance by mothers of transgender and gender variant children. Berkeley, CA: Cleis Press.

Phillips, M. (2014). The daughter we didn’t know we hadAuthor house.

Smith, A. (2012). “Girl nutz”: The epitome of femininity: A child’s transgender journey from a parent’s perspective. Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse.

Tarney, J. (2016). My son wears heels: One mom’s journey from clueless to kickass. Madison, WI: University of Wisconsin Press.

Waldron, C. (2014). My daughter he: Transitioning with our transgender childrenStone Circle Press.

Whittington, H. (2016). Raising Ryland: Our story of parenting a transgender child with no strings attached. William Morrow Paperbacks.

Picture books

The Rainbow Owl – Picture books

My research publications

Riggs, D. W., & Bartholomaeus, C. (under review). Gaslighting in the context of clinical interactions with parents of transgender children.

Riggs, D.W. (forthcoming 2018). Working with transgender young people and their families. Basingstoke: Palgrave MacMillan.

Riggs, D.W. (in-press 2018). Discussing aspects of medical transition with parents of young transgender people: A psychotherapist’s perspective. In A. Lev & A. Gottlieb (Eds.) Families in transition: Parent perspectives on raising gender diverse children. New York: Harrington Park Press.

Riggs, D.W. & Bartholomaeus, C. (in-press 2018). Cisgenderism and certitude: Parents of transgender children negotiating educational contexts. TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly.

Bartholomaeus, C., & Riggs, D. W. (2017). Transgender people and education. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Riggs, D. W., & Bartholomaeus, C. (2015). The role of school counsellors and psychologists in supporting transgender people. The Australian Educational and Developmental Psychologist, 32(2), 158-170.

Riggs, D.W. & Due, C. (2015). Support experiences and attitudes of parents of gender variant children. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24(7), 1999-2007.

Other research publications (selected)

Australian

Riley, E. A. (2012). The needs of gender-variant children and their parents. Doctor of Philosophy, University of Sydney.

Riley, E. A., Sitharthan, G., Clemson, L., & Diamond, M. (2011). The needs of gender-variant children and their parents: A parent survey. International Journal of Sexual Health, 23(3), 181-195.

Riley, E. A., Sitharthan, G., Clemson, L., & Diamond, M. (2011). The needs of gender-variant children and their parents according to health professionals. International Journal of Transgenderism, 13(2), 54-63.

Riley, E. A., Sitharthan, G., Clemson, L., & Diamond, M. (2013). Recognising the needs of gender-variant children and their parents. Sex Education, 13(6), 644-659.

Riley, E. A., Clemson, L., Sitharthan, G., & Diamond, M. (2013). Surviving a gender variant childhood: The views of transgender adults on the needs of gender variant children and their parents. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 39(3), 241-263.

International

Di Ceglie, D., & Thümmel, E. C. (2006). An experience of group work with parents of children and adolescents with gender identity disorder. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 11(3), 387-396.

Field, T. L., & Mattson, G. (2016). Parenting transgender children in PFLAG. Journal of GLBT Family Studies, 12(5), 413-429.

Gonzalez, K. A., Rostosky, S. S., Odom, R. D., & Riggle, E. D. B. (2013). The positive aspects of being the parent of an LGBTQ child. Family Process, 52(2), 325-337.

Grossman, A. H., D’Augelli, A. R., Howell, T. J., & Hubbard, S. (2006). Parents’ reactions to transgender youths’ gender nonconforming expression and identityJournal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services18(1), 3-16.

Hill, D. B., & Menvielle, E. (2009). “You have to give them a place where they feel protected and safe and loved”: The views of parents who have gender-variant children and adolescents. Journal of LGBT Youth6(2-3), 243-271.

Johnson, S. L., & Benson, K. E. (2014). “It’s always the mother’s fault”: Secondary stigma of mothering a transgender child. Journal of GLBT Family Studies10(1-2), 124-144.

Johnson, D., Sikorski, J., Savage, T. A., & Woitaszewski, S. A. (2014). Parents of youth who identify as transgender: An exploratory study. School Psychology Forum, 8(1), 56-74.

Kuvalanka, K. A., Weiner, J. L., & Mahan, D. (2014). Child, family, and community transformations: Findings from interviews with mothers of transgender girls. Journal of GLBT Family Studies, 10(4), 354-379.

Lesser, J. G. (1999). When your son becomes your daughter: A mother’s adjustment to a transgender child. Families in Society, 80(2), 182-189.

Meadow, T. (2011). “Deep down where the music plays”: How parents account for childhood gender variance. Sexualities, 14(6), 725-747.

Menvielle, E. J., & Tuerk, C. (2002). A support group for parents of gender-nonconforming boys. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 41(8), 1010-1013.

Menvielle, E., & Hill, D. B. (2010). An affirmative intervention for families with gender-variant children: A process evaluation. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Mental Health, 15(1), 94-123.

Pearlman, S. F. (2006). Terms of connection: Mother-talk about female-to-male transgender children. Journal of GLBT Family Studies2(3-4), 93-122.

Pullen Sansfaçon, A., Robichaud, M. J., & Dumais-Michaud, A. A. (2015). The experience of parents who support their children’s gender variance. Journal of LGBT Youth, 12(1), 39-63.

Rahilly, E. P. (2015). The gender binary meets the gender-variant child: Parents’ negotiations with childhood gender variance. Gender & Society, 29(3), 338-361.

Ritenour, K. M. (2014). Exploring experiences of loss and ambiguous loss in parents of female-to-male transgender youth. Master of Arts, Syracuse University.

Rosenberg, M. (2002). Children with gender identity issues and their parents in individual and group treatment. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 41(5), 619-621.

Slesaransky-Poe, G., & García, A. M. (2009). Boys with gender variant behaviors and interests: From theory to practice. Sex Education, 9(2), 201-210.

Wahlig, J. L. (2015). Losing the child they thought they had: Therapeutic suggestions for an ambiguous loss perspective with parents of a transgender child. Journal of GLBT Family Studies, 11(4), 305-326.